I think I died a long time ago.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
