his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
