so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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