I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
