so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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