you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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