nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
do nipples grow back?
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