Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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