Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Someone shattered a urinal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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