god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
