Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
