I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
