the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
