we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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