yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
