the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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