I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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