carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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