I got chris browned last night
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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