If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
