He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
