How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
