I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
