I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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