Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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