She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
