So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
