i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish I could punch you in the face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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