I looked at my own cervix.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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