if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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