i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
