It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
