remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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