Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
