I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
