Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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