Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
