So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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