There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
