the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
