I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
