i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
