Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
