I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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