I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
