So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
