I showed him my bush... on skype.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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