I got chris browned last night
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
