he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
