oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
