im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
