Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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