I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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